identity crisis

how timely, in light of this week's sermon!

many thoughts and emotions have been running through my mind regarding identity since graduating. and even more so since transitioning to PT work.

when it all comes down to it, i suppose it may always be a struggle.

- in school, it's the grades that maybe you find identity in. oh, and extracurriculars give you extra points, too.

- in singlehood, it's if you have a boyfriend or not

- in the social world, it's who are you friends, what do they do, what do you do together?

- in the working world, it's what kind of job you have and how much it pays

- in the church world, it's how active you are in serving and to what capacity (leadership roles give you extra points btw)

- in the church/wife world, it can be how well can you cook, clean, encourage, help, and maintain great sex with your hubs?

- in the parenting world, it's what are you kids like?!

the list can go on, i'm sure. currently, i'm at the 4th-6th. it SUCKS!

basically, all that i want to do i know is not practical for me to do because it is not what i'm called to do. did you catch that?

i've been conflicted for a while now and even toying around with ideas that don't make sense to toy around with.

*i want to do more schooling - but God has called us to pay off our debt

*i want to take ministry opportunities that have been offered to me - but God has called me to focus on growing in what it means to be a wife

*i want to take career opportunities that i know are available at my job - but God has called me homeward

you can be sure that what God has called me to, i certainly want to do at the same time as how i want to do things that conflict or "stretch myself thin."

All this conflict brewing inside of me has kept me up tonight. so i'm writing it out.
i read Ephesians 1 - how wonderful and refreshing. here's some to share with you:

v 3-14
³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. ⁴For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love ⁵he^c]">[c] predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— ⁶to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. ⁷In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace ⁸that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. ⁹And he^d]">[d] made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, ¹⁰to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

¹¹In him we were also chosen,^e]">[e] having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, ¹²in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. ¹³And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, ¹⁴who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.

OK, i thought i'd share some of it, but truly.. all of it is very good! WOW! this is wonderful. Praise Him indeed!

v 15-23

5For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, ¹⁶I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. ¹⁷I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit^f]">[f] of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. ¹⁸I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, ¹⁹and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, ²⁰which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, ²¹far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. ²²And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, ²³which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

1 Jn 3:1 comes to mind:
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

...now i can sleep...