on parenting & the gospel - parte dos

we returned from a long day of absolute fun & a meltdown mid-day.
I was watching my 2 nephews on Sat with my mom & Eric. I had never done a full day with the kids from the moment they woke up to putting them to sleep. WHAT A WORK OUT!
What an opportunity to learn...

In summary, we went to Greenlake park and playground & enjoyed the beautiful sun. Afterwards, we ate Pho. I had decided it would be a nice surprise to go to Chuck E Cheese after Pho. This is where things get tricky. In this fallen world, In our fallen minds, don't you just want to use that as bait for good behavior?!!!! It had been on the tip of my tongue a few times, but I didn't say it, but oh, how sometimes, i really wanted to say it: "Cody, I was thinking of bringing you to Chuck E Cheese, but I really can't unless you are a good boy & finish your food!"

Now, there is nothing wrong with showing a kid that there can be good and bad consequences for his actions. If I didn't believe in grace, I'd be okay with this simple system. Except, it's not that simple!! When I've thought of how I'd raise my own kids, I've feared I would raise self-righteous little Pharisees who think they deserve the good things they get. Because, hell, they worked for it, they were "good", bring me to Chuck E Cheese (or whatever temporal reward, be it an object or even verbal recognition)!!!! Suffice it to say, I can't save my own children even if I could parent flawlessly. But I would like to shepherd them in the way of grace and truth and the gospel.

The Gospel teaches us that we sinned grievously against God when we chose ourselves as god and rejected Him. It teaches us that our sin separates us from God - it brings spiritual death to our relationship with Him. The only way this has been restored is through Christ atoning for our sins on the cross and overcoming sin & death by resurrecting on the third day. As we walk with the Lord, we learn that to obey is to trust.

John 15:9-11
⁹"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. ¹⁰If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. ¹¹I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

Consequently, whomever we sin against, we are allowing a level of brokenness, level of death, level of lesser intimacy & trust to enter that relationship. My hope is that I can raise children to understand that these are the consequences of disobedience, not losing out on going to a party or not getting dessert.

Conversely, in obedience, the level of relational trust & intimacy grows. My hope is that i can raise children to understand that this is the blessing of obedience.

As I was voicing my concern that I didn't want to raise children who think they can manipulate parents/people to give them what they want by behaving a certain way, Eric pointed out the irony of how parents do the same thing. "Ah this kid is driving me NUTS! If I just tell him that he can have candy IF he behaves, he'll be quiet" Translation: "Here's some candy, now, do what I want."

Likewise, we can see how this works out in our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Why do we obey? Is it because we think he will bestow some sort of material blessing upon us? Lord, may we obey You out of reverence, love, and trust! May we obey you and thus, know You more. May we obey You because You are LORD!

Okay, it is late, and this is probably not as clearly articulated as it should be. But please note that:

-I don't claim that this is easy to do
-I don't think I've got it all figured out
-The examples I gave were just simple examples, and I haven't put much more thought into them.
-I'm not opposed to spanking
-Currently, there isn't a super clear picture in my head of the practical implications for this type of parenting.
-I do believe that one could do the best parenting job in the whole wide world and their kids could still end up being rebellious as ever.
-I do believe that all relationships are already in need of redemption because of our sin nature.

Good night!