I've had a particular difficult week this time around. After 3 years of being at the same work place, I sometimes wonder if I've finally hit my limit. Limit on hearing people complain about their job, the people they work with/for, complain about their pay, about their life, gossip, slander. I've felt downright shitty lately. My thoughts have been definitely on the unpleasant side these past few days...a lot of bitterness..many expletives..some yelling. And I'm starting to enjoy the idea of indifference much like my other coworkers have reveled in. I try to step back and snap myself out of this emotional rut I've allowed myself to jump into. It's hard. All I want to do is wallow in the lies of ungratefulness and hopelessness. It's incredibly short-sighted, I know. Selfish, too.
So, I can't help but think to myself...of all the weeks in the year...I feel like this before Good Friday & Easter. I mean...I've been pretty chipper overall at my job (by God's grace) - and not a fake kind. And I'd like to be even more genuinely joyful is this time of year. When I think about it more though... it's perfect timing. It's just this perfect reminder of how weak and sinful I am apart from Christ. How I only want to love on my terms. How, when it all boils down, I don't have any ability to be a good person apart from Christ. Apart from Him, all becomes merely a conditional love reacting to how people treat me or what they are like (in this case, the people at my work...are pretty mean and not afraid to show it).
I'm so incredibly thankful for His sacrifice on the cross. I'm so thankful that He had the power to overcome death and resurrect. All this..so that I may know Him...and not have to be who I am without Him.
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